So many things have changed for me in the past couple of months. Mostly, my heart has been broken. It's healing, but slowly.
I'm finding that the hardest part for me to accept is (surprisingly to me) not the loss of the man with whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life, but the changes that I see in him that I don't fully understand. It's like he is a stranger to me now. I feel like I've lost him twice. That's the worst. Not that I want to be friends. Please, no. Seeing him on a regular basis would be like salt in the wound. However, I'm ok. Not great, yet, but ok. And I know I will be fine. If I were a bigger person, I would say, "I just want him to be happy." But I don't....not yet. I really hope he's miserable without my love. At least for a long while, dammit.
I do, however, like living on my own. My time, my schedule, my quiet, my décor, my menus, my remote. I am indulging in a bit of selfish me time.
Life for now is in a wonderful little apartment in downtown Everett with my two furry feline roommates. One more and I can cross into crazy cat lady status. On my bucket list has always been living for a couple of years in a city where I can walk to most everything. Downtown Everett doesn't quite fit that bill (I was thinking more of downtown Seattle....or Chicago), but I can get most of my groceries at the little organic co-op down the street, my office is only a little over a mile away, and there are plenty of restaurants and the library close by. I do need a hardware store, and haven't come up with a walk-able solution for that. But I did find a couple of antique shops today. I'll have to dive into those in the near future. And there is a gorgeous view from the rooftop.
Books are being read, music is being listened to, kitties are being snuggled, friends are being treasured.
For me, right now...I am content.