Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Some Thoughts on Exes


It's hard to make it to your 40s, or even 30s, without having some sort of an ex. Whether an ex-spouse or an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, those feelings we have when the relationship ends are often painful and all-too-long-lasting.

Here's what I want to say to you, my friends.

Get Over It.


I'm not talking about the fresh break-up. It takes time to heal. I'm talking about the years-later-you-are-still-trash-talking-your-ex-and-thinking-of-ways-to-hurt-him kind of Get Over It.

I am talking to some of my friends, who are carrying around pain and anger, sometimes rightfully so, but who are allowing that hatred to infiltrate their lives. 

It will kill your soul.

I'm not foolish enough to think that everyone will be able to truly forgive their former love for perceived and actual wrongs. What I am saying is that you thinking about Him and how He did you wrong, how He spent all your money, how He treated you badly, how He moved on, and how you still want to run Him over with your car if you see Him, is doing no one any good. He doesn't care that you are ticked off. It isn't ruining His life. It's ruining yours.

I've been there. If I wanted to I could give a list of things my ex did that would curl your hair. But it's not worth my energy.  This weekend I am spending time with a whole bunch of people who last saw me when I was married. They knew my ex. There will be questions. That's fine. I will give them the truth, but abbreviated. Because I have moved on. I have Gotten Over It. And God has healed that pain.

Did it change me and leave scars? Of course. Did your break-up create long-term havoc and distress in your life? Of course it did. I'm not unsympathetic. You may not have wanted the divorce or you may have been the instigator.  Either way, it happened. You aren't responsible for punishing Him. Now is the time to move onward and upward.
Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.” (NIV)

I wish I could guarantee that the people who need to read this would see it. There are many in my life who are so busy hanging on to their ex that their present and future is being wasted. Some are my friends, some are not.

Trust me when I say, your hatred does not hurt your former spouse, but it will kill you inside.

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